Me the Miner, the Diamond, my Journal and the sun

Was I born a miner? I don’t know. Was I born to be something else? Still I don’t know, but there’s always a need inside of me, an urge to somehow have a diamond. For this mystery I call it God’s will.

Throughout my life, I see men searching for it, fighting for it, ignoring it, collecting it, adoring it, wasting it, be insane from it and even die for it but there’s always a contradiction inside of me about, do I have to do what they do. For what I know life is about a choice. So I choose to be very careful.

Yet I found many men found happiness from it. I saw them smiled seeing it, I saw them blooming from it, and what I most envied from them were how it made them seemed a better man. I watched them, I asked and what I heard were stories and it marveled me.

I hear, I see and I think of it.

They are happy with it because it gives them comfort. Somehow those men trust and believe in it, and sometimes I find myself wondering about this bond and found it exists and real.

It seems this kind of diamond is rare and even for the wealthiest of men don’t have it in their possessions, how could this happen? Many men agree it is God’s will.

So I start my search and my learning together.

I went north where I heard there was a diamond and I believed the news, because I saw it glazing. But no matter how I tried, and maps nor tools could help me to find it. As if, it hide from me. And when I finally found it I realized it only glazed for someone else and the glaze I saw was just a mirage.

So I went south and I found a diamond. I thanked God for it, I found comfort from it and it even made me a better man. I kept it quite a very long time. But then I realized I couldn’t keep it, I realized I was not the perfect guardian for it. So for what I thought was the best interest for me and it, I had to let it go. Although it hurts me then as it was to see it belongs to someone else, I’m happy to find how things are going.

So then I walked lazily to the west, thinking and learning from my new experience and knowledge when I found something. It gave me the same feelings like a diamond. It was also glazing like one, but then I realized it was not a diamond it was an emerald. So I put it back so someone else could find it, someone who were looking for an emerald.

So I went home, and for sometimes I felt my life’s a dull. But one day, my friends came and told me to go east. They said there was a diamond there for me and the one who owned it thought I were the one suited to keep it. So with interest I went and found that it was already in a necklace. And if I tried to change it to a ring, the owner wouldn’t probably agree. So with the first and the last visit, I turned down the offer.

So I went back, and in my loneliness I laughed at all the things I’ve done. I laughed at the laughs, I laughed at the smiles, the feelings, the joys, the hurts, the tears, the do did and done.

I looked for my journal, although I didn’t write a lot in it. But inside it I kept my secrets and deepest feelings. I read and it asked me about what I’ve written.

“What do you like most about diamond?” suddenly the journal spoke.

And I wrote in it. “I like the way it glazes”.

The journal asked me back. “There are a lot of things in the world that glazes” it said.

“But I don’t want just any other things, I want diamond” I wrote.

“I don’t’ understand you”, said the journal.

“But have you ever think why the diamond glazes?” the journal asked.

“It reflects the light” I wrote firmly.

“And where does light come from?” The journal asked.

Without hesitation I answered “The Sun”.

“Who is this sun?” the journal asked.

“I know her for a long time” I wrote, “I now realize it is always there. In the day she lights me, even at night it always finds a way to light me, by the moon which reflects her lights.”

“So the light is the answer”, said the journal.

“Which glazes more a diamond or a sun?” the journal said.

I answered “Diamond glazes, but the sun blazes because it gives more than an aw in the eyes, but also warmth.”

“So why don’t you go to the sun?” the journal wondered.

“She is now in an eclipse. I know this from the way her lights are dimming. And if it ends and if I go to the sun, will I not be blinded, will I not be burnt? For it is ordain by God.” I wrote in haze.

“Have you asked the sun?” the journal wondered.

“About what?” I was confused.

“Ask the sun not to blind and burn you?” The journal replied.

“No“. I answered.

“I thought you said you know the sun a long time, so you have never asked the sun. From this I conclude you don’t know if the sun will harm you or not?” The journal wisely asked.

“From what I heard, saw and read, it is a fact that the sun will harm me.” I said in reply angrily about the notion of my unawareness.

“But not from what you know” the journal calmed me “So, who do you trust, others or yourself?” The journal said in whisper and closed it self.

For a moment there was nothing. But the silence was enough for the journal to see that I was thinking deeply. It was a thought about whether am I so blind about this? Or have I chosen that stupid decision I always make based by the rigid rules I make for myself, because it has always suffered me losses.

“It is just a question?” I asked my self.

“What harm will it come from a question?” I asked

“A lot” I said

“And it could be damaging” I answered.

I stared at the journal that has been with me for so long and kept it silence.

“And if I ask the sun, and turn out she will not blind or burn me, what will I do?” I asked the journal.

But it kept silence, and another voice spoke to me and I recognized it as my own voice.

It said “It is for you to find out”.

Boye and Uzul, 25^th October 2007. 21